What I Want My Daughters To Know About Relationships

Originally featured in Masalamamas.com 

Sometimes you have an amazing mentor in your life that reminds you to always move on, be the first to say sorry, and not hold on to grudges. They remind you that it really doesn’t matter and to give a situation time and space and eventually it will fall back into wherever it needs to be (not always the same place, but perhaps a safe place). That mentor for me has been my mother. I’ve seen her be the first to forgive, the fastest to forget, and the friend who lasts forever.

As my daughters grow older, I think about my own mentorship. I think about what I want them to know about relationships and how to remain grounded even while trying to maneuver in a tumultuous storm.

I’ve thought about a few things I want to remind my daughters as they begin to form relationships in life:

      1.  Don’t ever become the bully.

Never be “that mean girl” and play games with people you care about. Either be brave enough to talk things over or stay silent. Playing games and hurting someone’s feelings is the first and foremost way to break hearts. Don’t be passive, and never ever be aggressive. You have to remain true to who you are, and playing games with people only pushes you away from your authentic self.

     2.  Know when to walk away.
Often times you hear people say they hate conflict and confrontations. Sometimes, no matter how much you are dreading a conflict, a conversation is necessary to move forward. However, I want my girls to know that when you have given it your all and things still seem to be a mess, it is time to hang up your hat and be willing to walk away. Not every relationship is meant to last forever, and not every situation is mendable.

 

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     3.  Be willing to take the blame for your faults.
You made a mistake. Maybe you didn’t intentionally mean to harm someone, maybe you didn’t think you were doing anything wrong—but hurt is involved. Don’t ever be arrogant and please don’t make excuses. Own up to your mistakes, apologize with sincerity, and wait for the outcome. Be mindfully aware that the person you hurt may not be willing to move on and that will be something you will have to accept. Carry that with you in future relationships and make that part of the “troubleshooting” section of your handbook.

    4.  No matter what, don’t lie.
A lie will only last so long. After a while you will find it start to unravel into the truth; leaving you exposed and flustered. Understand that the truth will feel painful at first, like the prick of a needle, scary and daunting. But from the truth you can always find a way to recover. If you care about a relationship, you will always be honest.

5.   Remember that relationships are complicated.
It may seem as though all your close relationships are natural, almost automatic like breathing. They keep flowing without the slightest bit of effort on your part. Then one day you realize you may not be giving a relationship what it needs to flourish. Maybe you need to create space, come slightly closer, or maybe the relationship has exhausted its sustenance. Just remember the bonds you build take work. Be selfless, be kind, and most importantly be sincere in every relationship you form.

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24 Responses

  1. Rahila says:

    love this! totally agree with #4. My mom did a fine job of teaching me just that. to this day I cant lie even if I had to save my own life.

  2. tori says:

    What a great article for daughter’s around the world. I still remember my public school days and vow my daughter will never treat others poorly. She starts school in September and I’m already nervous for her as girls can be so mean and she has such a sensitive soul. I will definitely be touching on these points you brought up in the coming months! Btw found you on StumbleUpon, a fellow mom blogger 🙂
    Tori
    http://www.themamanurse.com

  3. Sara Essop says:

    Great advice for daughters thank you. I ‘m going to share it with my daughter.

  4. Jules Ruud says:

    This is such a great list for all kids from their parents. I am saving this. I love the thought you put into it. Thank you for sharing at #mommymeetupmondays

  5. Foz says:

    Great advice! Things I need to ensure my daughters know too!

  6. Ayesha says:

    I think this can apply to both sons and daughters, children and adults!
    Theres so much we want to tell our children, but dont always get around to it. Its a really good idea to put down in words so they can always go back to it and reflect at a later stage.

  7. umm asiya says:

    Great lessons to teach young girls indeed. Thanks for sharing.

  8. Zeinab Amin says:

    Fruitful rules to live by. And what more is, that its applicable to just about anyone.. Thanks for sharing.

  9. Myda Tahir says:

    Dont play with others is not only for the kids but For GROWN ups too.
    Reallly needed.
    JazakALLAh Amina,
    May Allah reward you for sharing this.

    Eat Healthy Stay Healthy 🙂

    Myda Tahir
    mydatahir2025@gmail.com
    http://ummeummah.blogspot.com/

  10. saima faisal says:

    This is an excellent post with exactly the tips that must be there… thanks very much for writing upon this topic…

  11. Brandyn says:

    Fabulous post! These are all wonderful lessons that I hope to pass on to my child as well. It’s so wonderful that you had such a good role model and that you can be that for your children as well. These are some of the most important things for us all to learn!

    Thank you for sharing with us at #MommyMeetupMondays

  12. amina says:

    Great reminders. I especially like #2 and #4.

    They make a good foundation for every kind of relationship.

  13. Papatia says:

    Sincerity and honesty are the veneer of a long lasting relationship and the key to love ourselves. All the point you made are on point and wisdom full . Thank you for the reminder 🙂 .

  14. Haya says:

    Absolutely loved reading this. I think every daughter and son should read this. The very first point was enough to get me glued to your post. Jazak Allahul khair for sharing.

  15. This is an excellent list, for daughters, sons, and parents, too!

  16. Crystal says:

    I struggle to define the line of ‘bully’ with my daughters. There was one girl who was mean to my daughter for years and years and then suddenly wanted to be part of her friend group and was sickeningly nice. Her and her friends really wanted nothing to do with her and her friends started being mean, (like intentionally moving their usual lunch seats to avoid her.) She was really torn and while I didn’t want to encourage her to be mean, I could sure see where they were all coming from. ALL the boys in her class also think she is mean and I am just fine with that! 😉 😉

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