Stop Judging, Start Supporting

I rise every morning at 6 AM robotically to the sound of chirping birds motivated to take on the day. As I tiptoe down the stairs to begin a gourmet breakfast that even the folks at Top Chef would envy, I multi-task by packing the kids lunches and post little sticky notes incorporating smiley faces and hearts. I am a winner; I am the self-proclaimed Mom of the year.

So. Not. True.

My morning routine involves hitting the snooze button until 6:50 AM tugging at the kids to hurry up because “we have 33 minutes to leave the house.” Rushing down the stairs and fumbling through the pantry to find granola bars that will have to suffice because who has time to wait for toasted waffles, unless of course the kids like them frozen in the middle.

We make our 20 minute drive to school every day (mostly) on time, but by no means do we have a smooth transition in the morning. I wish I could say that we incorporate the four food groups for breakfast, but usually we get one. Pop Tarts have grain, right?

This crazy gig we refer to as motherhood is no easy feet.   It would be delightful to say we are the June Clever’s of the world baking fresh cookies and having tip-top pristine homes. Who doesn’t wish they had the time to be as wise and thoughtful as Claire Husxtable .

june-cleaver

However, the honest and most vulnerable reality is that every mother is struggling to survive.

The moment you master one issue, you find that you may be faltering in another. We are failing and conquering motherhood madness in small and very sustaining steps.  No manual kit, recipe book, or instructions will fit the mold of every mother. Sometimes, all it takes is what works for you, not what someone else thinks should work for you.

That is why moms (and dads) of the world need to form a united pack in the parental-sphere  and stray away from judgment.

I will be the first to run to my other not-so-judging mom friends to ask a question if I am unsure or confused about my mommy skills.

Instead of judging, guide me, give me tips, help me find a reasonable solution, I’m in dire need after all.

Let us not forget once upon a time, we were all new mothers. In the land of feeding, burping, bathing and sleep training we must have all had some bumps and burps along the way.

Let us not judge diaper changing skills or breastfeeding vs. bottle-feeding choices. It would feel a lot better to have informative, supportive, and nurturing advisors during the highs and lows of brand new motherhood moments.

Let us not judge each other’s choices to stay at home or go to work. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to respect that we are all juggling and managing our lives in different ways? As if we don’t already have enough guilt on our parenting skills, we have to sit and analyze who works better and harder at their job. I would suggest neither. As each person is doing what is perfect for his or her life.

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Let us add tips to each other’s mom manuals that create lasting solutions instead of raising eyebrows as high as the sky.

If we all begin to view motherhood as a unified community, perhaps like a friendly neighborhood dropping off cookies and popping in to say hi we may be on to something monumentally real. No one is an expert in the craft of mothering, we are all just amateurs waiting for the wisdom of grandmother-hood.

The day you see me walking into your home with a perfectly baked cake and three kids dressed better than any GAP commercial, just visualize Godzilla in the Twister movie because that is what it looked like in my home to get this darn June Cleaver.

 

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25 Responses

  1. people these days will judge at everything. i just dont get it. we were created by the Almighty unique, yet we want everybody to have same outlook as us.

  2. Cori says:

    What a great post! You hit the nail on the head

  3. Mehreen says:

    Loved it! Ahh the morning routine? Every day I tell myself we’ll have a smooth one until the first kid says, “I’m tired!”

    Keep writing?

  4. Foz says:

    Agree parents need to stop judging each other…what works for one doesn’t necessarily work for another……but then another problem is some mothers don’t even take kindly to getting advice as they still think people are interfering!

  5. Fahamina Ahmed says:

    Great read! We can all relate to this… Parenting is the hardest job in the world and instead of judging one another let’s support each other.

  6. Nakida says:

    I am just happy to keep the kids alive.HAHA. This was a good read ma shaa Allah.

  7. ayeina says:

    You have a nice sense of humor and using it to educate the mums(and other people who know no beter than judging) around the world (y) I appreciate it

  8. Myda Tahir says:

    Thanks Amina foer sharing your struggle,
    even mum don’t have time to listen to others, but will dearly welcome if the support offered

  9. Roop Zainab says:

    Brilliant! Despite my lack of “real” experience, clinical experience tells me you’re absolutely right.
    It’s admirable to see that even though it’s such a struggle, you understand that it’s a skill and you’re willing to learn and improve. You’re a champion mommy!

  10. Amina says:

    Beautifully captured…

    And I love this line ”… moms (and dads) of the world need to form a united pack in the parental-sphere and stray away from judgment.”

    Its human to judge but much better to learn to accept others and support them through empathy and good listening; whether as parent or parents-to-be.

  11. LOL! I love your sense of humour! Yeah, I get tired of the judgement from other mums too. We’re all just trying to do our best!

  12. Papatia says:

    Yea, I read this post online and it sums it all. Being a good mom isn’t a competition. It’s your own journey with your kids! Awesome post sis! xx 🙂

    • Amina says:

      This idea actually came to me as part of a request for a bigger blog. I do whole heartedly agree that if we all join forces and nurture each other we would learn so much! Thanks for stopping by!

  13. Hadeel says:

    Ameen sista! You couldn’t have said it in better words!

  14. Brandyn says:

    Love love love love this post!!! All you can do is all you can do. As long as you’re doing the best you can in the present moment, you’re doing great! It would be wonderful if everyone could keep this in mind and we could all celebrate each other’s accomplishments and lift each other up, instead of judging and tearing each other down.

    Thank you for sharing with us at #MommyMeetupMondays!

  15. Lali says:

    Soooo very true! This article hit home for me. Unfortunately, I too, used to judge parents and their parenting style. It wasn’t until I had my own that I was eating my own judge mental words. Amazing reminder that it actually does take a village. The very act of not judging one another, in my eyes is a wonderful start to contributing!

    • Amina says:

      You are a great mom doing an amazing job! Thanks for stopping by and sharing your words of wonderful wisdom! 🙂

  16. Maryam says:

    I think woman are so competitive. We always want to be the best moms, have the best kids, the smartest one. It’s not the right approach ! as you said, we need support and instead of judgement. I am not a mother yet, but this applies to every field !

    • Amina says:

      I agree! Kids are not a one size fits all type of deal. Each child comes with their own beautiful contributions and chaos! We have to embrace them individually and also mother accordingly. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and stopping by!

  17. Shahira says:

    Haha! Struggling to survive. My baby is just 7 months old so its not yet time for tantrums and school runs for me but boy I still dont have time for anything lol.
    You are correct right abt being non judgemental parents. Every oarent wishes the best for their kids!

  18. Fatima says:

    Oh boy! Time is flying and your post worked for me as a reminder that I have to prepare myself for this as well. My baby is growing and it will be no time, he will even begin schooling.

    Fatima

    • Amina says:

      Good luck to you! My kids are all (finally) in school. I thought that the baby stage was a lot easier. Praying and hoping that they gain the morals kindness you continue to teach them is life long! Thanks for stopping by and good luck to you!

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